Last year I was very goal oriented, and it got all fucked up. I did a massive dose of mushrooms and broke my own mind, then sabotaged my business.
After that I got really sad for several months and had no money. I felt like a failure as a dad, a husband, and I even questioned why my friends would want to play sports with me.
I learned as much as I could about stoicism and it changed how I think. Less “woe is me” more “I’m so lucky it isn’t way worse than it is.”
Music is very meaningful when you’re super depressed, and this was my song:
Somewhere along the way I caught a few really good bounces and business sling shotted around the black hole it had been heading for.
When it’s your birthday people ask if you feel different. This is the first time I would say “yes” and really mean it.
I just feel way luckier to be who I am and to have the life I have.
I’m more astonished than ever at how awesome my friends are. The 6 of you reading this right now, I love you so much it hurts.
Also I’m going to die sooner than I thought. Because before I half assumed I wasn’t going to die. Nope. Gonna die. Hopefully not soon, but it’ll happen. I want to do a good job of being alive while I’ve got a shot at it.
That’s about it. I have it in my calendar to read this on my next birthday. My “theme” for the year is “freedom” whatever that means.
Lately it’s meant: freedom from being so damned self-concerned. The less I focus on me (and yes I realize the irony and hypocracy of writing that in this of all articles) – the better life gets.
Still can’t dunk, but working on it.
Haven’t jerked off since November. Sorry Mom if you’re reading this.
Loving being a dad.
Probably loving winter more than I have since childhood.
More in love with Lia than ever.
Trying to learn how to lucid dream. No real progress there as of yet.
Probably a good time to stop writing. Happy 35th birthday me!
– love, you